yet another blog #2

I haven't been posting here as all my energy has gone on surviving lately. With studies, kids and a wife, as well as a photoblog, I just haven't been motivated to use this blog. But strange as it may seem, I've created a new blog! What? Why? Well, oringinally I just wanted to install it on my own server, as opposed to this one being hosted elsewhere. But then I thought about it, and figured I really do want another blog, and so I am hoping the difficulty and effort of setting up a WordPress blog might make me start blogging again.

In any case, my new blog is Photografica Weblog.

photografica blog

In the off chance that anyone in the universe actually stumbles across this electronic flotsam, I can announce that photografica creative services is open for business. Visit photografica.com.au for all your photographic, web site design and writing needs. :) Also, check out my personal blog here. I will be posting a photo a day.

to blog or not to blog

I'm actually more interested in a photoblog at this point in my life. My writing has taken a back seat to photography at this point in time, but a photoblog needs a good design and a lot of energy.. But just look at the possible result. www.chromasia.com must be the best photoblog on the web. Awesome work at times.

I've never managed to keep a consistent diary in my life, so I don't see why a blog would be any different.

Anyway, I'll post here as I see fit.

Here is a random photo:

A New Life

I've just reviewed my 1000 things to do before I die list. It's mid 2006, and I've been skydiving, I've grown a beard, and I'm a quarter way through a Diploma of Photography. Things happen if you make them.

a clearing in the woods

It's been a tough few months...

I've been doing a lot of brooding. I've been doing a lot of thinking. I've been distant, unattached, depressed, confused, angry, and lost.

I'm still in the middle of it all.

Answers are so god-damned hard to come by at times.

For a couple of weeks, I just put life on hold, and retreated into mindless relief - superficial, yet enjoyable. A holiday retreat called the Internet.

That is until my wife reminded me that I had a family, and responsibilities that came with that. If I didn't pick up my share of the load, it fell to her.

I'm still in the woods. It's dark, I still can't find my direction, and I'm feeling a little cold and tired and lonely. But it's not all gloomy. I can see up through the trees that the sun is shining, and I can hear birds singing. I think there is a clearing coming up where I can rest a while and renew my energies.

But such emptiness cannot be filled by prattle, or verbiage as I have so blithely called it.

I'll be back when I have something further to say.

Queen On Fire At The Bowl

QUEENONLINE.COM

Queen - On Fire - Live at the Bowl

One of the best rock bands in the world, no doubt! 14 years have passed since Freddie Mercury died, but Queen is still a huge name around the world. Today (in Europe at least) they released the new live dvd, from a concert in 1982.

You want to see why Queen are considered to be one of the ultimate live acts in the world - watch this dvd. It will blow you away.

limbo dancer

Two weeks later, and I'm still in limbo. By choice really. I had already decided to take a holiday, and now I've done that. But I'm no further to figuring out how I'm going to secure an income. I don't want a shitty job. That's not laziness either. I've worked like a dog for next to nothing the last twelve months, and it's just plain stupid. Neither do I want a career, with a high wage and long hours. Money is nothing if you have no time to spend it. I'm not going to waste my life for a decade of retirement. I might die in a car crash the day before I retired...

So what do I do? I'm not sure. My life is in a holding pattern while I think. We won't starve. I could get a job driving taxis again pretty easily I think, but I am loathe to do it. I want to start my own business, as this seems like the best of options, but I don't have a lot of capital. (Face it, I have next to none :))

I'm waiting. Maybe something will pop up in my time of need. The direction of my life is open again. That, at least, is something to celebrate. I think I'll have a beer :)

new direction

What a weekend. Howard wins the election (argghhhh...) and then I get fired. Shit.
It was definately the worst job I have ever had in my life, but it was also at times, very enjoyable. Not to mention that it paid the bills. Now I am officially unemployed. Shit. Ooops, I said that already didn't I. Murray, I hope you boil in the fat of eternal damnation (or whatever fire and brimstone end of the world scenario it is you Seventh day types believe in). Shit.

scattered ambition

I heard this phrase in a film the other night. A good film - it was called "Personal Velocity". Very interesting film-making, a very atypical American film. Certainly not for everyone, but quite good.

But this phrase stuck out to me. It was in relation to one of the caharcters, explaining why their life was where it was. I just thought 'yep, that's me.'

Scattered ambition(s) - I've never been of those types that were highly and narrowly focussed. I've always been a try this and try that kind of guy. I've been good at every job I've ever had. I mean above average good. I have skills - there's no doubt about that. I learn quickly and I'm a good thinker and a hard worker. But I have scattered ambition... Sounds good doesn't it. Sounds like the title of a book, or the name of a rock band :)

I've always been careful not to become too ambitious, as I don't think it a very worthy quality, full of lusting and desire as it is. But maybe I haven't focussed quite enough, as a lack of ambition is also a dangerous attitude.

It begs the question though, doesn't it. To me it sounds like a criticism, as if ambition should not be scattered. I suppose that sounds right. If you are going to be ambitious, it makes more sense to narrowly focus those ambitions. But what about ambition? Is it a good thing, something that we should all accept and teach our children? I think the answer might be rather more complicated that most might think.

100 things to do before I die (Part 2)

11. Have a really good organic home garden, providing my family and I with a good share of our needs.
12. Go 10 years without having a cigarette
13. Get rid of my excess weight
14. Lead my children by example
15. Listen to another 1000 hours of Queen ballads :)
16. Master Photoshop
17. Give up driving taxis
18. Read Cold Mountain in one sitting in a quiet place
19. Marry my wife once more
20. Forgive my parents...

another way?

How can we enjoy life if we are contantly working, shopping, cleaning etc.. Where is the time to enjoy nature, our children, to just be? I'm deeply unsatisfied with the social structure on this planet. Working culture just perpetuates economic inequalities, and leaves most of us with very little spare time. We struggle to provide for our families, but "provision" is also about providing quality of life, not just money. I work like a dog, (which is actually a terribly inapt metaphor, because dogs do nothing but play, eat and sleep) better to say I work like an idiot, 45 hours a week for very little money and getting nowhere fast. But where do I want to go? I just want to find another way. I want time back. I want to be able to spend time in the garden, growing my own food. I want to be able to go for long walks by the river, play more with my children, have time to myself to write, have time to enjoy the company of my wife. Instead I, like nearly everybody else, sruggle to get the dishes washed, the shopping done and spend more than 5 minutes on something relaxing.

It's not a whinge. I know there is no magic answer. There are as many ways of living life as there are creatures on the planet. But I am dissafected. I am brooding today, frustrated by my inability to see another way.

100 things to do before I die (Part 1)

(inspired by Glamour Goddess )

in no particular order...

1. Go skydiving
2. Write a novel
3. Take a diploma degree in photography
4. Visit Great Britain
5. Make love to my wife at least 4000 more times :) Edited to say 'make that 3800' :)
6. Buy a decent sound system
7. Sing some songs in a karaoke bar
8. Grow a beard
9. Shave my head
10. Visit Malana (not 100% sure about this one. This is the village in the Himalaya where my oldest brother disappeared in 1995)

more later...

profundity vs banality

my mind is not empty, but I can't seem to drag anything out worth writing. I talk all day, but it's a different matter to put something in writing. Maybe it's my desire to have something profound to say. Profundity is no doubt overrated. Life is full of the banal, the boring, the perfectly ordinary (or is that the same as banal?). Chasing the profound seems like a quest doomed for failure.

Maybe my blog should be about the insignificant details of life. The fact that a butcher bird comes and shits on our balcony, along with a koala and lots of myna birds. Maybe I should write about the fact I need a haircut despite hardly even having any, or that I took a day off to allow my wife to attend a meeting with her doula educator, who then cancels the night before, leaving me $170 out of pocket. Maybe I should mention i had muesli for breakfast this morning, and took a walk down to the river. Maybe I should write a long article about my struggle with smoking...

Then again, maybe not. Maybe I should just shut up until I have something meaningful to say. Its' a quandry isn't it...

the arrogance of the rich

I picked up these wealthy people late last night. There were three couples going home. I drive a maxi-taxi, which is a Toyota Hi-Ace 3.0lt diesel 10 seater van. As I left the pick-up, I might have taken the first corner a little sharply. I heard one of the women in the back call out slow down, as it seemed she nearly slid off her seat. That she was drunk and didn't have her seat belt on had nothing to do with it of course. OK. I slowed down. I drove at 45-50kms an hour, being very careful going around corners. Two corners later the women slides off again. I heard a string of expletives in the back and realised suddenly that she was directing them at me.
"You're driving like a maniac. Are you on drugs or something?" was the first clear thing I heard. What?!! A maniac on drugs? I was furious. "Have you even got your seatbelt on?" I called. I was boiling up. I was a millimetre away from braking (very suddenly) and telling them to get out. If you don't have respect for a guy who works all night, taking drunk people home when the only alternative is a chilly 6km walk, you deserve to freeze. That the bitch obviously thinks taxi drivers are lowlife on drugs shows just how narrow minded some of the rich are.

I held my temper in check and drove them home. The bitch got out first, and I did notice her husband made an effort to look me in the eye and thank me. She of course didn't say anything and I totally ignored her. The four others in the car were then very polite for the rest of the trip, thanking me, but not, as I noticed, tipping me. Assholes.

Things like that put you off. It took me several fares for me to regain my normal good disposition. If there's one thing I hate it's people thinking they are better than someone else, when they clearly don't have a rat's anus of an idea who the other person is, instead just blindly judging someone by their occupation or appearance.

But I suppose that's the sort of society we get wen we value wealth higher than anything else, and correspondingly base our identities on our occupations (ie. ability to earn money).

ideology

Whatever happened to it in politics?

With elections coming up in Australia, Great Britain and USA, it seems they are all going to be reasonably close. The swinging voter is a person that I just don't understand.

In Australia, at least, we have two major parties. One is conservative. Very conservative. The other is, despite a decade of drifting to the middle in an attempt to win power, is left leaning. But all we hear about are policies, and how specific policies are going to win or lose the election. I don't get it. What ever happened to a belief in a political ideology? How can you vote for neo-conservatives one election and then vote for a left wing party the next? Surely, it is through the broad ideology of the parties that the best chance exists to separate them. Labor is a left wing party and the Liberals are definately not (liberal that is). Despite Labor drifting to the middle in economic policies, surely there are other things that matter more. The left wing in politics will always be more compassionate, always supporting the arts and the environment better than a right wing government. The right wing will always have the interests of the rich at heart.

I could never vote for a right wing government, because my political ideology is that of the left. That the next election will be decided in marginal seats by swinging voters leaves me bereft of understanding. I just don't get it.

life and golf balls

A professor stood before his philosophy class, some items on a desk in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked his students if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up all the available space. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unaminous "yes".

The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided. "I want you to recognise that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - your family, your children, your health, your friends, your passions - things that, if everything else was lost and only they remained, would mean your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job and your home. The sand is everything else - the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Look after your health. Take your partner out to dinner. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the dishwasher. Take care of your golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

(source unknown)

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Nice story. But what about the beer? :) I suppose we should just drink that...

5 reasons why blogs are useless

1. people don't read anymore, they watch television
2. how could you possibly think you are witty or intelligent enough to entertain people.
3. the chances that anyone would ever actually find your site are like, 15,000,000,000 to 1
4. you should be out there having a life, playing with your kids, not trying to conquer the world by web site.
5. no-one actually gives a rat's ass what you think anyway.

edited to say,
a) of course this post went against the grain and attracted a comment from some Brazilian guy on the other side of the planet
b) it was a little tongue in cheek, cause if I thought blogs were so bad, I just wouldn't have one.

c h r o m a s i a

My blog of the month is awesome. This guy is one of the best photographers. He is incredible. Check it out at c h r o m a s i a. I don't know anything about the guy. It could be he's a professional photographer. But I get the feeling he's not. He doesn't advertise anything about his work, so I suspect it is just a hobby. But he is bloody good at it. You'll need at least an hour and a good broadband connection, but it's well worth the time. Enjoy!

windows service pack 2

I'm in the middle of installing it right now. (Yeah, it takes a long time) Here's hoping that the few people I've read about having trouble with the installation were twits with virus riddled old dogs without the latest patches or updates already on them, and loads of problems already.

My only problem is that I'm running out of hard disk space. I knew I should have gone the 50GB...

OK, time to reboot soon. Better go.

monday mornings

arrrggghhhhh.... I hate Mondays. After working all Saturday night and then Sunday night, I wake on Mondays with a head like a stuffed pepper. I can't think straight, let alone write, so I shouldn't even bother with this.

The weekend has seen two events unfold that have taken my attention. The Australian federal election has been called for October 9. Bring it on Johnnie. You are going to loooose! The second was the end of the Olympics. A 16 day orgy of patriotism - I think I had enough after about a week. Thank goodness it's only every 4 years.

OK, that's it. I'm going to take some paracetamol and lie down.